Alice-In-Muddleland

Good to be back..:)

2011-12-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

It has been a hectic year. Lotsa of changes but somethings remained the same too.
Those that changed and those that did not:

1. I did.
2. Hubby did not.
3. New friends changed
4. Old friends did not
5. My body changed
6. My brain did not - or may be I did not notice it as much:)
7. My mom did
8. My dad remained the same
9. My car did.
10 My home did not
11. My taste in books did
12. My taste in music did not
13. My dreams did
14. My hopes did not
15. The world did
16. The people did not...

And so life kept going - with a mix of changing and constant colors splashed everywhere.
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This is already the middle of December and a new year is approaching again. I have a smaller Christmas tree to decorate this time - but this is a real one. Not the plastic one I decorated every year. Am I as excited as I've always been this time of the year? This time it is much less exciting and a bit more dull - dunno why.

Anna hazare

2011-04-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am in a fix on how to support this great man in his sincere efforts to at least try to get his country out of the the corruption gutter.

Just...

2011-03-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Things chance and people move apart. With them, they take away the interest with which you meet someone new for the first time. With time, I feel less interested in meeting new people and making friends out of them. So much effort! So fleeting the friendship! After the profit-loss analysis, you know it is just not worth the time.

Growing old is such an naked process. You see yourself changing as if in front of a mirror.

Sad

2011-03-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

The tragedy in Japan reminds me of a line I heard long time ago - 'Dunia mein kitna gam hai, mera gam kitna kam hai'. I am beginning to feel guilty for living in confort and really ashamed of my petty self for thinking I had pains. Nothing comes close to what people on the same planet are dealing with right now.

I hope they come out of this mess much stronger than before. The grace with which they are trying to handle the situation is commendable. 'True Grit' was coined for the Japanese. May God be with them.

The week that was...

2011-03-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

This past week started and ended on very interesting notes.
Actually, it was the last weekend that started this long interesting link of events.

Last weekend, we decided to ditch the usual lunch/dinner/shopping/movie with friends for a quick trip to the hill country. We left at around 7 pm on Friday from houston to Kerrville. The lazy Satruday got interesting when we visited a cave in the woods. Sunday was a short trip to Freidricksberg where I bough an amazing Indian quilt (I have been sleeping much better since - it a jaipuri rajaaii that I have been dreaming about for a long time and finally found it... that too in a German town located in the deep interiors of Texas) and had dinner at our favorite restaurant. We headed back on sunday with a happy heart and quite head - Bliss!

On Monday, we went to a cafe where amateur artists showcase their talents - one of our friends was reading his poetry. He got a standing ovation from us (but of course), and from others in the audience. The H-town hasn't stopped amazing me yet. We got to listen to some amazing live guitar and had a yum floating ice coffee. I am thankful for such friendships that keep our mind open and expose us to new experiences.

Tuesday was my regular Zumba class at 24hourfitness. A new trainer, who was in her 50s and initially seemed too easy on us, picked up pretty fast and at the end of the hour, I was huffing my lungs out. nice!

Wednesday and Thursday were not as eventful. Friday of course was back with the bang and right after office hours, we headed straight to Bombay Pizza for a quick dinner with a few friends followed by BMG (Blue Man Group) event. Fun Fun Fun:)! The music was loud and this was our first time at Jones Hall. I have a feeling we are going to a regular there.

Saturday was totally packed with meeting a close friend of 10 years (who is leaving Hosuton for Dallas) for his kinds' birthday party. So many people in the last couple of years have left this place - we feel we constantly are losing friends. There are new relationships for sure but then no relationship is ever replaceable. No two relations have the same feel. So yes, we are going to terribly miss the two little babies they are taking with them, and we would miss not seeing them grow into Texan cowgirls any more.

Sunday morning - a nice lazy brunch at Cricket - a vegetarian place we went to the first time in Heights. A quick coffee with another couple at Antedote drew us to the end of our weekend.

Time won't stop and I can't turn it around

2011-03-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

After a long time, I missed my family. No. I miss them often, but I am not talking about that kind of missing.

I am talking of the kind when you 'know' you made a bad choice leaving them at the first place - that kind. I had no words to tell my grandma on phone when she sternly told me to not miss her so much, AND to just save enough chhutti to arrive within a day's notice if a call comes from nanihaal. and I sang her favorite song to her -'Tumse milne ko dil karta hai re baba' (she loves this song and would often sing it when we visited her).

When I invited my grandparents to visit us here, they said no. They are too old for the long journey and I did not insist. I am afraid too. They look so frail these days.

I still miss my dadaji who is no more and It's been years. I don't know how to stop the time or to turn it around. Life is a one way highway with no exits and all we can do is try to keep pace with the traffic 'coz there is no turning back now.

Tamam umr ka hisaab maangti hai zindagi...

2010-07-10T09:56:00.001-07:00

Such songs must be censored. Why think so much when you can live in peace w/o such disturbance?

2010-07-08T22:45:00.001-07:00

5 things I wish I could bring into my life:

1. Sleep on time. I think in the past 10 years, I haven't slept once before 12.
2. Not trust everyone. I still take words at face value. Stab me and I would think you must've been aiming for something else.
3. Eat out less often. Bad habits die hard and this one has been around since college days when I lived on Jimmy John's #6 (they deliver at 4 too).
4. Love kids less. I want to kidnap every cute kid around(skip the entire baby making process and get a few of my choice and liking).
5. Get real! I live in a world of my own making. This doesn't help when you are holding on a job, running a house, dealing with relatives and making 'practical' decisions.

Amused

2010-07-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

I am often amazed at how little I knew myself and the world around me before. There is a change these days in how I take things - I no longer feel confused like before when something unexpected happens. I am amused. I find myself looking at things curiously and find myself smiling, even if it happens to be a painful experience. The fact that I am able to look at the naked truth, painful/joyous as it may be, gives me peace. I am often amused at the things people discuss or choose to talk about(how very predictable), at the way I react during these conversations(such a fake, learned response), at the way I judge them later(how futile it is to try and remain non-judgmental), at the way I feel guilty for thinking things I shouldn't(what happened to the good, ol' self-righteous me?!) and at the way I decide to not take it too personally (oh come on! you are just human!).

The point? - getting to know yourself is really a funny thing. You understand and accept your shallowness with abandon. You would still pass judgement at others, but you will be able to accept them whole heartedly too 'coz somewhere you understand them just as do yourself. With all the glory that is you, you also see all the dirt that is you. An acceptance of one's self is humbling, disturbing, embarrassing, disgusting and relieving.

Mere piya gaye rangoon...

2010-04-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

Not really. but hubby dear has been vacationing in Europe for many days now since all the flights to the US are canceled.

My first day at my new job(YAY! got one!) has not been so eventful since Husband was away on an official trip to Europe. It's been more than 10 days and there is no sign when I would see him. Somehow, even when the flights start, the idea of the planes flying in the dirty skies is scary.

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Loy vs Rai

2010-03-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

I came across a movie starring Myrna Loy, an American actress of yesteryears and can't help comparing her looks with Aiswarya Rai. How similar!

Learning...

2010-03-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

This new year, I have learned a few things about myself and about life in general:

1. PhD is not my cup of tea. I could probably finish it if I continue, but I simply have no desire to. Other than patience, I probably won't gain much and there are better ways to learn That anyway!

2. I can not be a not-close friend to anyone. Either I am a good enough friend to share your secrets with, or I am just an acquaintance. I am simply not the one you call to kill your time. That won't do.

3. I can make oily, spicy food. Earlier such kinds had no flavor since I always messed up the proportions and would stick to my very plain, half-European variations. but now I am beginning to use spices with confidence. yesterday's matar-panir was just another proof.

4. Life is 'different' with kids. I can't say better, since haven't been around them much. But when we attended a B'day party for the two daughters of a friend, it was a totally different world, with toddlers all over the place busy in their own beautiful worlds with their own toys. None of them was cranky, teary, sleepy, annoying - all were <>

5. I have learned to wrap gifts perfectly. I also know knitting well now. youtube has been a blessing.

6. I love flowers. I did not think I would enjoy plants as much before. but lately I have been reading up a lot on them to design our front yard. To my delight, I could easily spend 2 hours in the sun looking for that perfect plant to brighten up our space. The variety of colors and textures that one finds in a garden is not found elsewhere.

7. We feel miserable because we are too self centered. Life is a challenge - for everyone. And we all try doing our best with the cards we are dealt. You only know your bad cards, 'coz you haven't seen others'.

8. Meeting and marrying the right person is such a chance event. Almost like being born into a normal family or being born without a genetic disorder.

9. Good human beings make good relationships, and vice-versa.

Random thoughts.....

2010-03-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

Career or family?

Pro career:

1. Worked very hard to be where I am today

2. Gives me financial independence and the confidence that comes when you can 'actually' go dutch on a dinner

3. Helps me meet more of my own kind - I feel more connected, appreciated, and proud of being me

4. I know 'I' really want it for myself.

Pro family

1. worked very hard to be where we are today

2. Gives me financial security and the confidence that comes from having a home well run

3. Helps me be a part of an 'exclusive group of family people' - who talk about kids, schools, future plans etc. - Right now, I don't really fit-in there and I am losing more and more of my friends to 'that' group

4. I do not know if I want it as much as others want it for me

My list...

2010-03-03T23:04:00.000-08:00

Things I am thinking of doing:

1. Volunteering at a community college

2. Getting a SCM certification

3. Continuing with my degree program(highly debatable)

4. joing a few more professional societies

5. paw-pawing with women professionals in the city - may be join a networking group

6. losing some more weight

7. getting a professional landscaper to do out lawn - maybe come up with my own design idea???

8. painting an accent wall in the bedroom

9. taking a short trip to someplace nice before the weather changes

10. learn spanish

11. completing the woolen scarf I started knitting few days ago

12. making a baby

13. learning some new soups

14. going out on a ladies lunch with my closest friend

15. start a neeyam for life

16. meet some new people in the neighborhood - throw a housewarming party maybe?

17. get a complete makeover before i change my mind - invest more in improving looks and less in taking various classes maybe?

18. learn to be kind to myself and not take setbacks too seriously

19. be honestly there for the society

20. let go of the impressions I've formed of people so far - start all over again - from the stranger-level

21. develop a foresight

22. count my blessings

23. Listen to the music more often

24. Get back to fiction again

25. Know less and understand more.

The act of being...

2010-03-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

Which is more difficult - being honest or being fake? I can never tell.

S and the city...

2010-02-28T23:07:00.001-08:00

There are perks and downsides of living in a big city -a city that is more like an unplanned, overgrown town. I love and hate Houston for all these reasons, and then some:

1. Not many skyscrapers. The city expands horizontally, not vertically, giving people more breathing space - literally. And this expansion, like they say, is Texas size.

2. H-town is old - really old and rugged. It is not beautiful. It is not romantic. It is pure business. Sharp and to-the-point, in an honest, uncouth way. I love it in people and in cities.

3. It is dangerous to drive here. People are not too law-loving. Generally distracted or drunk, many end their lives on these roads. The worst case I heard is of a woman painting her toe-nails at a stop sign. You'd see lots of really old models still on roads. It is funny to see how old money and new youth makes you so blind to rules - plenty of that in here.

4. The love for cattle and cowboys is exhibited every year during Rodeo - it's goona start soon and I can't wait to be back. They have hats, horses, stock shows, competitions, country music, barbecue and everything rural you can think of for whole 3 weeks. I can not think of being anywhere else but here during this time.

5. You never need to dress up to go out, unless you are interviewing or going to weddings or churches, or unless you are independently rich. Jeans and T-shirts are perfect for almost any place or occasion.

6. Oil is the bloodline of this city and everyone you meet(ok, so not everyone - but most works either in oil and natural gas industry or in healthcare - two most cutting edge technical areas - and people are good at what they do.

7. Life is affordable. Really. you can buy a house with a big backyard, a white picket fence, a pool, if you please, in a really short time - as compared with other big cities. Texas is mostly cheap - except the high property tax.

8. The local crowd is conservative. Works just fine with me.

9. Diversity is thy middle name. So you can celebrate Holi with 5000 others(like we did today) or just think of a cuisine you fancy and would find it within a few minutes drive, wherever you are.

10. It floods often. the city has sudden downpours and the old streets are flooded within minutes. I was amazed at the size of drops when I first saw my first rain. Everything is big in Texas.

11. Houston is so different from NYC or SFO or LA, it is difficult to think of it as being one in their league. People actually have time to talk to you, and they actually do.

12. Environment is not a big concern. No. Not for Texans. you would not find as many big cars, hummers, pick-up trucks anywhere else in the US.

13. Religion is serious here. Many places of worship for every religion. I was amazed to see a Shiva, Meenaxi, Swaminarayan, Hare krishna dham, Saibaba temples and 3 gurudwaras here.

.....and so, the affair continues.

Jiska Jitna ho Aanchal Yahan Par, Usko saugaat utni milegi...

2010-02-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

One of my all time favorite songs has been, 'Zindagi Pyar ka geet hai' --- every word rings so true. however, I am not so sure about my most favorite line - Jiska jitna ho aanchal yahan par, usko saugat utni milegi'....

I am beginning to believe that the more we want things, the more we seem to be running after them. the farther they appear. or have I missed something?

The context - I recently went for a job interview. First round cleared, the second was a two day event where there were a series of tests/presentation etc. I have been rooting for the job - nothing fancy about the salary or the work-life --- the job was infact something many women won't even consider taking. if selected, one would be working in the middle of nowhere, in less than friendly environs, and with mostly male colleagues - either in the desert, or snow or, in remote jungles where the nearest civilization may be too far for a cry. It was a field job. But for me, it was a dream. The idea of roughing it out, getting the hands dirty, facing the challenge of an almost hostile surrounding and STILL doing a job well - no better opportunity than that to really LIVE a life - the most REAL job of all.

But no, I did not get it. And for the first time, I really felt the pain of 'not knowing why'. So yeah, a bigger dream does not guarantee a bigger saugaat - even when you give the best you have to offer - even if it is indeed the best among all. Life is fair but not always nice.

Present-Future

2009-10-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

Sitting at my work desk at 2:00 in the morning, I wonder how would things be when I won't be doing this - writing the last pages of my thesis. I've been waiting for this day for a some time now but when the day is near, I am afraid I won't know what to do with my time once this is over.

The thing about growing old is that one becomes more apprehensive than exited about the future. One looks at the decisions, not the dreams of tomorrow. Completion of a task no longer means carefree days ahead. I guess I am nervous about my inpending India trip too. 3 years is a long time. I hope ma-papa look the same now as they did when I last saw them.

Dasvidania

2009-02-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

We saw Dasvidania yesterday. I am making my To Do List now:).

Fortitude or Fate?

2009-01-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

I always believed that a man can achieve whatever he wants with hard work and perseverance. These days, I am having second thoughts. One can't really undermine the importance of working hard and being persistent in following a dream but it is becoming clearer to me by the day that part of one's destiny is formed the day one is born, or may be even before that. And there is absolutely nothing one can do about it. So very sad but somehow so true:(. How?

To start with - a child born in a family that finds it hard to make both ends meet has a substantially lower chance of survival in the first few years of his life. If that hurdle of survival is overcome, there is a high probability of him suffering from ailments which could easily be avoided if proper hygiene is maintained and enough nutrition is available. With childhood, comes the opportunity( or the lack of) getting a good education. Imagine what is it like to have never had a chance to learn A B C in a world where graduates have to stand in line before finally landing a job.

And I am not even talking about the more serious issues of high self esteem, respect for another human being, openness of mind- which need to be sown in a mind at a very young stage or the various prejudices/complexes one can develop during the early formative years of life, in the absence of a right environment.

So I may be a pessimist here, but honestly I can't really imagine how much courage I would have had to pursue an education, to dream of being a professional independent woman, to travel around the world or to think of marrying a man of my choice if I had had to fight to be alive before I was born 'coz I had misfortune of carrying the XX set of chromosomes.

I see many of my friends getting ready for a baby; I can see the joy in their dreamy eyes; I can almost feel the sense of responsibility they feel towards their unborn children and a part of me thanks God for His mercies on these babies who are blessed to become a part of such lovely families, and a part of me shivers every time I see a pregnant teenager at Walmart or a small child begging on an Indian railway station, thinking of a life that could have been but won't be 'so' blessed. The Irony - The destiny begins before the life itself!

Relativity

2009-01-19T01:02:00.000-08:00

'It's all relative', she says, like a grown-up woman. I understand. Till yesterday, it was all about - her new shoes, her weight, mani-pedi, her coursework that's taking forever etc etc. Today it's all about the tiny one forming inside of her. And nothing matters any more. She IS a woman today.

Short Circuit

2009-01-19T00:17:00.001-08:00

So Circuit City too is closing down. It was kinda sad to see the huge crowds for the closing down bargains. Had they been here before, the stores won't be closing today. Or may be, if they had had the sales like this before, they won't be closing down today?!?!

First post of 2009

2009-01-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

Lots has happened in the last month of 2008:

1. I finished my course work with a great GPA. Thesis remains and that's a BIG challenge:(.

2. I missed on putting up my Christmas tree this year. Thanks to exams and the travel!

3. We took a trip to California. Loved Santa Barbara and Napa Valley the most.

4. Met many new people - hubbys got friends almost everywhere and (finally) they are all getting married. I got a chance to meet their new wives and make a few new friends:) - always nice!

5. We stayed with old family friends who are in the USA for eons and got a close look at what it would be like to stay on in this country. Many deep, long, interesting conversations ensued late into the nights and it was a very interesting experience. I am glad we chose to stay with them instead of a Hotel.

6. We got to meet a friend's new born son recently. He had a tough first few days in the hospital after the birth and it made me realize again how a new life is nothing short of a miracle. I did not dare lift the baby - babies are so tiny and fragile it freaks me out- but I touched his soft hair and was quite glad he found me interesting enough to keep looking at me:) the whole time.(I got to do some baby shopping for him too!)

7. We saw some great movies this winter break.

I am sure there is a lot more we did, but I am suffering from temporary memory lapse so would end here.

It's a little late to say this, but if I haven't wished you already - Here's wishing ya a Happy 2009!:)

Proud to be an Indian...

2008-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

We need more news like this to deal with the pain of terrorism. Like I always maintained - Terrorism is NOT religious!

Kya kahen...

2008-11-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I should be surprised or pleased that terrorism in India still makes news anywhere and the fact that US channels actually decided that non-Americans being killed anywhere can also be an act of terror?

I am not able to think beyond the grief of the people of Mumbai who are used again and again and again by politicians like Raj Thakre or terrorists to catch the attention of our useless government. Why do we keep sleeping till the time it becomes impossible to sleep in peace?
Why do we keep fighting over our religions/social divides until someone from across the border makes us aware that for the world outside we ARE one and would die together as 'Indians' - not as mumbaiakars, north, east or south Indians; Or as a rich or a poor Indian.

I am sad at my own helplessness to make the outside world understand what plagues my country; Do I even understand completely what plagues my country? Maybe. Maybe not.
As a layman, I only know that it hurts when people get killed from bullets coming out of a police cab, that it hurts when the financial capital of my country and one of the most peaceful cities in the world flashes on my TV screen in the US as a place of terror and mayhem, that it hurts to think of the many friends who are sitting on an active volcano, that tomorrow it could be my own small Indian town that becomes the target, that the policeman who got killed yesterday fighting against those heartless, brainwashed beasts could as well have been my own father, that the woman running for cover on VT station could have been my own mother or sister, that every single one who died yesterday was a family man/woman and many lives would never be the same again.

When would an Indian life mean anything to the world? How many more need to die to tell our government that neighbors don't always make good friends? How many more Indians need die before we are able to name a bloody neighbor a terrorist state or get the rich ones to STOP gifting the guns to the terrorists to kill our people? When would politicians stop being so bloody selfish for votes and do nothing and stop supporting groups like SIMI so innocents don't get killed?

Oh but let's not break out hearts over it now. Thank god we are in the US. Let's get ready for the thanksgiving party tonight. 'coz India mein to aisa hota rahta hai....

Parents and In-Laws

2008-11-19T21:14:00.000-08:00

Do I ever want my parents in their old age to live with us? If need be, certainly. But I would rather they live near by so that I can visit them regularly/every other day, take care of them and can also give them enough space to grow old without ever feeling that they are indeed getting old.

Do I ever want my in-laws to live with us when they are old? I guess my answer remains the same as above.

I would never be comfortable moving into my parents home with my husband to take care of them. Why? Because Husband and I have a very different lifestyle than them. I am sure it would be the same with my in-laws too. And guess what? I don't think they would be much happier with this arrangement either. Why? The same reason. They have lead their lives in a very different manner - surrounded by their group of friends and family of their own generation.

What do you think on this? Would you like your parents/in-laws to move in with you? Do you think they might need their own space?

I am sometimes afraid I am becoming too western in my ideas:(

When reliality becomes dreams...

2008-11-19T09:10:00.000-08:00

When did i stop dreaming? Not that I don't dream any more. It is just that my dreams are so close to reality that it is a shame to call them a dream. A dream should be something that you see in your sleep; a thought, a wish that does not leave you when you are no longer logically thinking - most of the dreams I have today are so logical, so very thought out and planned - they don't have THE MAGIC element to them. Like certain things that can happen only by magic - that would be something I would call a REAL DREAM. But we all, or should I say, most of us stop dreaming those crazy, out of the world, almost-improbable things too early in our lives. I no longer dream of being a Kiran Bedi, or an Army Woman, or Being a Doctor, or being the richest person in the world, or marring an English man(ok, So THIS 1 I must give up w/o regrets;). Why? Simply because that is too far away from my current reality. But then - aren't dreams 'supposed to be' away from reality? So really - dreams are, by definition the same - what has changed is my own strength to dream. If I dream of owning a cool car someday - well that is something I KNOW I can get, if I dream of a home in my most desired place - I am sure I can do it too, if I dream of having a 'dream' job - it is a REALITY...just a little further in the future. These are NOT dreams!!! They are simply wishes and ARE definitely achievable. What would it take to set me free of my own limitations of imagining things I find unrealistic? Why am I not able to put my logical brain to rest for a little while and think of something that makes no sense at all? Why would I not do the things I did when I was 21 like hopping in a plane to visit someone for 10 minutes and taking the next one back? Why do I think of it as crazy now? 'coz I saw what it costs, or is it coz I have become too result-oriented? Why should we ever grow up or grow wise? Why are we always stuck in our local-optima? What would it take to break the routine and think of the wilder things for a change and to explore the depths and breadths of what our brilliance is capable of? Why are we so eager to tie ourselves up in more threads - only to lose the freedom that we are born with, that let's us be a kid - a kid with the wildest ideas, with unbounded curiosity, with no fears - of failure or the world or the future????

I wish to have the strength someday to REALLY Dream...'coz as long as I wish for the little achievable things in my life - I haven't really explored the power of the REAL ones. And then, I am bound to mistake my little wishes for my dreams. It won't take me too far!would it?

Women in Engineering

2008-11-15T10:28:00.000-08:00

The first week of November was a great one for me - I attended the National Conference of SWE in Baltimore and am I glad I did! There were workshops, socials, networking events(my favourite - Speed Mentoring), formal dinners, presentations, regional meetings, technical/sightseeing tours AND a career fair.

I found it real inspiring to see those who led the way for others like me to enter into this predominantly male field. Now there are so many women engineers around that we would never realize what it was like some 15-20 years ago but when I heard some 50+ ladies tell their stories about being the first women in engineering in their college or their department or their company, it sent shivers down my spine just to realize it was not too long ago when I could have only dreamed about my place as an equal in this world.

The trip meant so much for me for many reasons:

1. I needed a break from being a student and a homemaker - both at the same time. I wanted to be just 'me' - free from the label of being either and just being 'an empowered woman'(yeah I know how it sounds;)).

2. I wanted to network with others who shared my experiences and concerns and knew exactly what I was talking about!

3. I needed to relive my undergrad years of living on a budget and meeting up with others from the world around and the things I generally did - watching a horror movie sitting with a bunch of unknown faces, cooking dinners with those I hardly knew and exchanging emails/contacts with a promise of keeping in touch. It brought back some fond memories of those scout and guide camps I so devotedly attended during school days.If only there were a camp-fire!

4. The career fair was amazing. Landed a few on the spot interviews and it could just mean a new begining.

5. I also attended some technical tours of the facilities I may end up working at - the UPS site tour was mind-boggling. The entire place looked like a manufacturing plant with workers working day and night sorting/moving/packaging/loading-unloading all sorts of deliveries/materials in a building the size of an outlet mall. ( No. they don't really handly your 'fragile' packages so gently! :))

6. Meeting with other Graduate students and professors from other universities and listening from them the inside stories of how to get there was an experience I would cherish for a long time. It was also a good prelude for my PhD in future.

7. I got more confortable wearing those professinal clothes I so despise most of the days.

8. And we got a free manicute too for simply telling our stories about SWE experiences! - THAT helps any-stressful-day!!!

So I must end now by saying - More Power to Women In Engineering! We soooooo ROCK:D!!!

Happy Diwali!

2008-10-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

Here's wishing all a very Happy and Prosperous Diwali and a Happy New Year!!!

Life lessons

2008-10-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

One of the first things they teach you when you learn horse back riding is how to fall-off a horse. Strange isn't it, when they should be teaching you how to always be in control of the horse and be a good rider? But this is what I think we all must learn - how to let go when there is no way out - to lose the reins, That too with grace and skill, with the lease amount of damage to yourself and the one you are leaving behind. One of the hardest things to do - both in life and in horse-back riding!

One of the first things they teach you when you learn Karate is how to not hurt someone and to control your aggression. Strange isn't it, when they should be teaching you how to not only defend yourself but also to overpower the opponent to submission? But this is what I think we all must learn - that sometimes the best strategy is to not overestimate our own strengths and know that there are ALWAYS rules to be followed even when we are winning. One of the hardest things to do both in life and in karate!

One of the first things they teach you when you learn swimming is how to not fight the waters: to go with the flow and still not let it drawn you. Strange, isn't it when swimming is, all in all, a slashing of water? This is what I think we all must learn - how to get the job done while going with the flow and still carving your own path through it.

Guess I did not learn my lessons so well after all:P!

Finally...

2008-10-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

I found one hindi serial that I like watching...Balika Vadhu! I absolutely love the little Bahu in the serial. I guess I am turning into my worst nightware...and I am lovin' it! :D

As I see it...

2008-10-10T22:46:00.001-07:00

So where do you really draw a line? What really is normal?

Isn't normalcy just a perception? For historically, whoever was 'weird' was ironically - just ahead of time or different?

The point is - there is no point drawing those boundaries, 'coz you've only got your canvas to draw these boundaries on. By law of relativity, normalcy is on your side only as long as you are surrounded by others of your own type/pace. Change the context, and you are the odd man out.

What if you never find someone who matches your frequency? are you then doomed to try and be someone you really are not Or you accept the fate and give a damn about the whole business of being 'normal'?

I have caught myself smiling when I was not amused, laughing when I didn't find it funny, or being polite when all I wanted to do was break someone's neck - why do we take so much pain in being our normal selves, being in control - being the way we are supposed to be? Are we really such cowards? would it really be so painful to not be in good books of those who, at the end of the day, don't really matter? That leads me to the question - who really is more important than my own selfish self? Then WHY oh WHY am I such a propah BS?!?!

Darkness Inside...

2008-10-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

I fear

The fall that is yet to come

I am afraid

Of the success that I dream about

I imagine

The enemies I didn’t make

I run away

From a beckoning love.

I shy away

From a life that is normal

I push away

my dear ones

I can not let go

Of the past or the pain

I wonder

If life is in fact, in vain.

I cry

When I got no reason to

I hide

When no one comes looking

I pretend

When there isn’t a need

I shiver

And the chill hasn’t begun.

I am tired

Oh I am so tired

Of these wasted breaths I take

Of the demons that are my own pet

Of the life that could’ve been but would never be

Of every moment that passes by unlived.

I ke gaya...

2008-09-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

It has been more than 2 weeks since Ike came and went. Things seem normal now. The traffic lights are not working everywhere as yet, but most of then have been restored. Most part of the city has water and electricity and kids are back to school too. One can still see the uprooted trees and broken electric poles here and there. Many buildings have broken windows and most tall hoardings have been damaged. but the long queues for water and peanut butter are gone. Almost all the eating joints are open and people are back on roads, albeit with caution. But something has definitely changed since then.

It is slowly sinking in that things that happen to others may happen to you too. That no disaster is too far away. That lives can change in minutes and there may not be a chance to evacuate. That all that one cares about in crisis is one's own life. That being brave is good as long as one can afford it. That running for your life is not really cowardly. That with every added luxury in life, we become even more helpless and dependent. That having a small car is not always a good idea, specially if you live in a flood prone area - SUV then is a necessary evil. That a friend in need is a friend indeed is indeed true. That life seems more meaningful if you are able to help someone. That fear once formed, takes deep roots quickly. That Galveston and Kemah bay may never look the same again...some precious memories will never be rebuilt. and that though things may seem scary after a disaster strikes, the human spirit is too strong to break.

I wish...

2008-09-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

1. That I would finish my thesis much before my graduation day
2. That I land a good job(that pays much) with a swanky office in the best part of town, in my very first interview
3. That if I don't land a good job(that pays really well), at least I would get into a good PhD program, that pays above average to its grad students than most grad programs do.
4. That if everything fails, I get pregnant the firs time I try.
5. That if even that doesn't happen soon, I might as well win a lottery and go to Vegas alone and drink away my sorrows...........

Until then..I need to work on my assignment, that was due way before Ike.....:(

Random thoughts

2008-09-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

The semester is going on full swing despite Gustav and labor-day interruptions. Politics is keeping me hooked on to the net and television too. So all in all, life is busy without much busy-ness. A few, random things that caught my attention:

1. Reading Indian female bloggers is great. I find a lot more women are ready to express themselves without the fear of being judged(the anonymity of internet sure does help, but then..it is never easy to pen/type down the most personal and intimate feelings in public. Kudos to that!). However, sometimes I find blogs talking about sex or other reaction-inducing issues - without making any point. I wonder if this is just the result of random musings or is an intentional attempt to keep the readers interested? Are blogs being used as a means to connect/communicate/express or to fulfil that inherent desire to be known/recognized/popular by being entertaining OR is it a mix of all of this and more?

2. Teenage pregnancy in America is not too uncommon. It seems dishonest then, that some people would want to scrutinize a woman running for VP for her being the mother of an unwed pregnant daughter. I wonder if people would cut-ties with their next-door neightbors(which ofcourse effects them in a more personal way) if they found that their neightbor's daughter was pregnant before marriage?

3. Breaking the glass ceiling is great, but should someone's gender alone be a reason to vote for them? Should pro-feminism be about 'gender alone' or is it more about shared values and concerns to bring the best to the womankind?

4. What really is the 'relevant experience' for a position as powerful as the President of the United States? A Community organizer, who happens to be the 'first Africal American' running for the president/Good Orator and writer/A person of mixed cultural heritage? First 'female' republican VP candidate/Most 'popular' Governer among 50 'united' states/A high-achiever mother who is pro-life? A seasoned ex-POW politician who also happens to be a 'too-old' to run for the president ? A much political 'Roman catholic' who happens to talk-too much?

Aren't these all, in one way or the other, biased qualifications - meaning the qualification depends mostly on who is looking? Isn't it an irony that the pioneers of democracy are still devided over what they really want from the system they hail? The saving grace is that they don't have a multi-party system - a sabzi-market where big parties go hunting for cheap, unsold parliamentory votes to make another non-functional coalition government.

Meet your Meat

2008-08-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

Here!

PS: I am NOT advocating anything.

Olympics 2008

2008-08-21T08:47:00.001-07:00

Olympic 2008 made me sad. As an Indian, I do have reasons to be happy(we won our very First Gold!), yet I miss the spirit of Olympics where participating used to be no less than winning.

I would rather not say WHY i think winning was all that mattered in this Olympics, but Aqua has written an eye opening post about the hoax this Olympic was.

Thought for today

2008-08-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

A small deed done is better than a great deed planned.

Souce: BBC

61 and counting...

2008-08-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Walking back from my class today, I spotted an Indian flag fluttering away to glory, standing alone and proud on this glorious day. Never before had I been so proud of the Indian Student Association :). They deserve some serious applause for the efforts of creating such 'Home away from home' feel and the perfect Kodak moments!

I did not know we had a function today or I would have been there before to sing the anthem and get my Bundi ka laddoo:)!

Jai Hind!

After thought(?)......

2008-08-07T01:56:00.001-07:00

And then I think how futile my search really is. I am looking for permanence where there is none. We all live on active volcanoes, each one totally unaware of what's going on underneath her feet. There have never been answers, and there have only been questions, for those who asked them never had the time to wait for the answers. Life is just a blink.

Ek akela is shahar mein...

2008-08-07T01:17:00.000-07:00

It has been more than a year since I came to this city to make it my home. Sadly though, my home hasn't made it's home in my heart as yet. 'Home' still makes me think of India somehow. The weird thing: 'Where in India' - I don't know.

My dad's place doesn't quite feels mine. I don't even know where they keep their things any more. My in-law's? - never lived with them long enough to feel that it was mine. And here, we still don't know our neighbors. I still don't feel Texan enough to enjoy the rodeo. 4th of July is still just a holiday. Thanksgiving or Easter are no family traditions for us.

Where IS my home? Am I still as lost as I was 8 years ago when I first left my then home? Have I been uprooted for good? Would buying a house make it 'feel' more like a home? Would a job and kids help? I don't have my answers. I only wish I at least had a home.

The Name Game

2008-07-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

This piece is tres interesting...got me thinking of some weird names for my future kids :P!

Sybil

2008-07-19T00:00:00.001-07:00

Another movie that proves fiction can't touch facts when it come to the extremes of mind's weakness and strength . The movie Sybil is based on a true story of a woman who suffered from multiple personality disorder(about 15 different personalities of the same person) owing to the childhood abuse she suffered from her scizophrenic mother. That the girl eventually recovers is a miracle of human strength and determination.

The movie is heart wrenching, unbelievable and almost scary. No fictional character could inflict so much pain on another as much as real human beings do.

After watching the movie, I am still shaken.

Thought for today

2008-07-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

I need my distractions to keep my focus.

My thoughts exactly....

2008-07-14T18:10:00.001-07:00

Today was my first class for this summer and this is exactly how I felt:(....AGAIN!

Austin trip....

2008-07-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

Our one day trip to Austin was awesome! I find the city a saving grace for Texans. At least, some form of elevated land in the land of perfect flatness. It was refreshing to see some hills and a very young crowd there. Reminded me of Seattle, except that the sun was still very visible here throughout the day.

I tried my hands on Canoing for the first time and it was fun(and scary)! A few observations:

1. A trip is more fun if you have another one of your own species(read Woman/Female/Girl/Lady here) around.

2. Vegan Diet is good. Just skip the dessert. You'll miss the calory-laden ice-cream/kheer/chocolate mousse/tiramisu beyond your craziest imagination. Case in point: a vegan restaurant Casa De Luz we'd heard so much about. The food was yummy(even w/o the spices or any animal thingi) but the dessert made me feel very very deprived of the all the things I absolutely LOWE:(

3. Day-trips are fun, cheap and convenient, as long as you are not the designated driver.

4. Surrounding yourself with kids, college students and water works better than any wrinkle fighting night cream. makes you realize there is life beyond that coveted job/straight As/Flashy cars/success.

YET owning that fab waterfront home is a must to lead a 'good' life:D!!!

5. Bright shirt dresses look great when worn with your bestest smiles:).

6. DDLJ songs(Mere Khwabo mein jo aae), when sung out-loud in a running car can make you forget you actually got married to the guy.

7. life jackets are good to give you a sense of safety. Just remember, you can't really swim through long sea-weeds:(.

8. Bats can be beautiful.

9. Cars' back seats are extremely comfortable to sleep, iff you are extremely tired.

This happens only in India...

2008-07-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

This says something about our politicians, doesn't it?

But Pappu can't dance Saala...

2008-07-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

We all must thank Aamir khan for finding suh a cute replacement! Ok. So no one can really replace him but Imran Khan has (hopefully) got the potential to keep the Aamir legacy going(yup..I can 'hope' without even seeing his first movie. Right?) .

Since the music of Jane tu Ya Jane Na is out, our home has constantly been a musical heaven. I Love 'Pappu can't dance' and 'Aditi' the most. There is an uncanny parallel between the songs of DCH and Jane tu Ya Jane Na. Like, Pappu can't dance -> Koi kahe kahta rahe, then Aditi -> Jane kyo log pyar karte hein and then Jane tu meri kya hai -> Tanhai.(Oh but am not complaining:)!).

Surprisingly, the movie is not playing yet in any of the dedicated theatres here. To my delight, I found that AMC theatres are playing it. So my weekend plan is already set now:D!

PS: Husband ji is very happy since this song, thinking 'he' must've been the inspiration:P

It's Official:D

2008-07-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

My very first work is published now! yay:)!!!

I wrote for the Jam Mag's annual unofficial college prospectus about my university and I was informed that the hardcopy is now available at the stands. They asked me to choose between money or the book. I offcourse opted for the later.

Now I know what it feels like to see your work in print(Hubby dear beat me in this too, but then his is more on the boring side(as opposed to Brainy):P...

Tonight - is the celebration night!:D

Oooh Aaah....

2008-06-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

Matt Demon is an all time favorite. loved him in the Bourne series. Before the summer ends, I am planning to watch all the movies I always wanted to see and hence am making 'to-watch' /'watch-again' list of movies.

Good Will Hunting tops right now. Any suggestiong for my 'not-to-miss' list, please?

Rain Rain come again...

2008-06-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's raining cats and dogs here. I prefer the pitter-patters more than the downpour. Specially the ones that last the whole day, as opposed to this 4-second-ki-chandani.

I hope we get a nice long drizzling day and not these lightenings:(...

The next Mr. President

2008-06-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I am not much of a political enthusiast and try to keep myself away from most political issues. But the presidential elections in US are a different story altogether.
I admire the way democracy is practiced in this country. Nothing half-baked about it!

So thought it would be interesting to share some interesting facts about the three(two now, but Hillary is worth mentioning anyday) candidates:

1. Hillary Rodham Clinton

2. John McCain

3. Barack Obama

I was surprised to find nothing impressive about Barak Obama except his unusual background. Being a good orator is a pre-rec for lawyers and Obama is no different. What is different is his being half-black/half-white AND running for president! And I fear more than anything else, people are focussing more on the things which matter less while making big decisions on how to run a country.

Being a non-citizen in this foreign country I am beginning to like, it feels odd to have opinions on who should 'the citizens' vote for; but then it's part the charm the US of A has for (mostly) not making you feel you don't belong.

Now since Hillary is out, I don't see why McCain shouldn't win(except his LOVE for the war;) ).

PS: Source - www.usnews.com

Till 'not-needed' do us apart...

2008-06-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Relationships are all about needs. Relationships don't necessarily break because there is something wrong with them. They break because they are no longer needed. Or may be, they no longer fulfill the need that formed them at the first place.

In all our intereactions with others, this fact becomes clearer as we become more experienced(as oppposed to older:)), and ending of a relationship no longer comes as a surprise. It may feel like numbing experience but in actuality, it is simply a truth we learn with time.

It is neither you, nor him. But then, there is simply no need for 'you-AND-him'.

The realization is comforting.

Learning....

2008-06-09T23:05:00.001-07:00

As I grow older, I see myself getting picky/selective about (almost) everything. And the surprise: I don't regret it. Call it confidence or arrogance, it has become easier for me to let go of the things/thoughts/people/goals I don't want to associate myself with.

Like a few years ago, if there was some project that had no way of finishing ('coz the start itself might have been faulty), I would try my best to somehow push it to completion. The result: A complete second grade product + wasted time and energy + regret and hence, negativity.

The lesson I learned: Some things are better left unfinished. If I know something is wrong from the start, I assess how much it is worth. If and only if, it is worth correcting do I ever try to make things work. So yes, I am very particular about what tasks I take on and what are they worth in the end.

Same goes for people and emotions. There is no point harboring feelings, when you know they won't be respected/reciprocated. There is no point trying to be friendly, when there are no good vibes to begin with.

I used to mull over sarcasm/criticism/opinions for hours before. used to hurt so much, if someone as much as mentioned something about me that was not true. The whole process of analyzing and trying to rationalize things was draining and soooo very fruitless. I finally overcame the issue by using my 'max time limit' trick. If i see myself thinking about something for longer than a certain time limit I've set for it, I either switch to some other things or get into some physical activity - taking a walk/shower works, Gardening is fun too; And these days, I am learning how to knit - which is the most relaxing thing ever:).

So I try to be careful about what thoughts I entertain and which ones I reject. And so far, it is working great!

The sense of guilt and the pressure to be 'the nice human being' and 'perfect' exists no more. Not 'coz I don't care or don't want to try, but simply because there are only so many precious things you can take care of at a given time.

Every good action deserves a good reaction. It is not something that SHOULD happen, it is something that MUST happen.

So Said Sowell...

2008-06-08T15:36:00.000-07:00

1. "Each new generation born is in effect an invasion of civilization by little barbarians, who must be civilized before it is too late."

2. "If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago, and a racist today."

-Thomas Sowell

:D

Get smart....

2008-06-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

I spotted a few smart cars already in town. Was completely bowled over! I find them prettier than the beetle. At last, there is some competition. And the features are cool too. Now if only I could think of just me and hubby and not about the future possibilities, this would be perfect. I specially liked the brand name(a Merc), the looks(a wide range of pretty colors and a very pet-like exterior - super adorable), the price range, the safety features and the mileage(not to be compared with the likes of prius though). The best one is the ease to drive and park, ofcourse.

time to get Smart now!:D

I am lovin' it!:D

2008-05-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am in love with

1. Our new home - lotsa light and very peaceful. Touchwood!!!
2. Summer - scorching it definitely is, but then who won't wanna wear those cotton dresses?
3. Light, bright Ts and Jeans
4. Pottery Barn. Lovely colors and very nice decor pieces.
5. Internet - Some cool websites I frequent these days are so much fun and so informative
6. My new hairstyle - let go of my long hair but then it was time for some change and it is much cooler in summer:)
7. My weight - nope. I am not even close to my ideal one, but am feeling quite comfortable being myself these days.
8. Close friendships - Thanks God for such great people in life. What would life be without such sweetness around?!
9. My driving skills - I finally manage to not get lost and get back home safe and sound without hitting anyone. Trust me, it is a relief every time I park the car back into the lot:D!
10. As always, life - It is bittersweet, imperfect with lotsa space for improvement - but then that's what makes it so real, so very believable and so very grounded.

Home Bound Now?

2008-05-19T16:07:00.000-07:00

My recent trip to the Indian Embassy in US to renew my passport was an interesting experience.
I met a couple who were applying for PIO(People of Indian Origin) card after being US citizens for more than 24 years. They moved to the USA in their early twenties and became naturalized citizens of the US. Now with the US economy dwindling and the Indian booming, they decided to buy some property in India, which they can not do as foreigners. Hence the PIO card!

The complains about the Indian efficiency remained the same though (Indian kaam karne ka tarika nahi badlega). I myself was not happy until then but their comments made me relax a bit and smile :)

I also got chatting with another couple who, after staying in the US(with 3 out of the four members US citizens) for 12 years are flying back to India for good this weekend.

That made me think: Are these people who are planning on getting a PIO card after years, or those who are going back to India only after they have a chance of a more lucrative jobs back home mere opportunists or Do we all, in our heart of hearts, harbor the dream to go back to where we belong at some point in our lives? Or is it just the common business sense that prompts these most ambitious of the lot to fly from one post to another in search of better possibilities?

I do not have answers, just questions. After all, it is never easy to find answers or reasons behind most of the human acts, specially when you are trying to be non-judgmental. But I sure felt proud of India for becoming a desired destination for the world today:). Way to go!!!

Percentage...

2008-05-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

About 40% PhD scientists working in the USA are foreign born[ Source: Wikipedia].

Interesting! (Need to confirm this piece of information :) )

To forgive is divine...

2008-05-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Forgiving is tough. It takes me time to let go of the hurt and to forgive and move on. I am getting better at that though.

What amazes me are stories like this. Whoever saw the movie Hotel Rwanda would find it hard to believe that people killed each other on the name of a Race, which by the way, seems to have the same origin. Still there are people in Rwanda who forgave those who harmed them in irreparable ways. I salute those who make me realize there is way too much goodness and positivity in the world to keep it going.

Good Housekeeping also published a story of a teen-ager who lost control of her car leading to an accident that cost a woman her husband and severe injuries to her 10 month old daughter. What is so unique about this incident? The woman not only saved the teen-ager from going to the jail, but also forgave her for the accident and befriended her to join in her community service term. Both of them tell their story to the new drivers to make them aware of reckless driving. The reason the woman quoted for choosing this tougher route: "I did not want anger to be the primary focus of my life. I needed to raise my daughter in a happy atmosphere -- and that couldn't have happened if her dad's name dredged up bad feelings".

I find these stories inspiring. There is still hope. It takes a lot of strength to forget the wrong doings(even mistakes) of others and to forgive and move on. but if people like these can do it, how can we afford to hold on to our petty disputes and egotistical fall outs? I believe they could do it because they chose to do it. They chose to be a bigger person, they chose to lead a positive life, they chose to let their hearts heal and they chose not to be the victims of their circumstances.

May we all find it in our hearts to be the best that we can be. Amen to that!

Metamorphosis? Or Blooming late???

2008-05-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am just beginning to understand what happens when girls get bitten by the fashion bug. I am a new victim. Don't really know how it all started; Must have been roommate's n number of style, lifestyle, fashion magazines that she had been kind enough to lend for my in-between study breaks. These days, I know a lot more about fashion brands and styles than I ever did in my entire life. I have become more aware of what brand has the best lip-gloss or nail-paint; or which apparel company makes the shirtdress (yup..I know what they are!) best suited for my lifestyle.

In the mall, I caught myself checking out what is 'in' these days on ladies I would have casually ignored earlier as way-too-complicated, and to my horror, I shamelessly stared at those well-pedicured toes peeking out of the sexy wedges.

I bought bright orange, chunky fashion jewelry the other day. Plus matching orange-pink nail-color, complete with a big beaded bracelet. I feel trapped:(! I do not know when/where/how will this new obsession end, and how much it would cost me...moneywise and otherwise. Hubby sure is in a state of stupor. like myself, he does not know what hit me or how much he would be left with a few days from now.

I guess I am trying to live my leftover 20s to the max now. With the semester over and decent grades in hand, I feel for the first time in my life, the joys of being feminine. And Boy! am I making up for the lost times:D...

I do not blame my mom for keeping me away from the cute lil indulgences of girlhood, nor do I blame my drab girl-less engineering days of books, specs and labs from taking the color out of my early twenties, I can not even blame hubby's love for simplicity (and abhorrence for fashion jewelry/makeup kits) for my Black and White post-marriage existence. The only one responsible for the less-than-glittery life of me was the lazy me who preferred a Kurta-Jeans over pink-top-flared-skirt combos. It seemed like too much of work those days to worry about what to wear. The fact that the more time I spent on it, the more I got confused made the decision to steer clear of all things colorful and bright easier. Idealizing a mom who preferred Beige saris, miniature jewelry and good ol' wrist watch over anything gold did not help either.

My next trip home is sure gonna give mom a heat attack, but hopefully she will adore the girlie me as much as she did my plain jane existence:). Till the day it wears me/or hubby dear out completely, I am out shopping/window-shopping again for something really funky and cool...hehehehe

Independently dependent...

2008-05-08T21:27:00.001-07:00

So the hubby went on a long tour. I feared the loneliness in his absence. After all, living together did make me habitual of his presence.

To my surprise, I felt alone without feeling lonely( His phone calls certainly helped! ). However this feeling was so different from the feelings of unease and insecurity of the relationship before marriage. The knowledge that no matter how far apart we are physically, 'he belongs to me' is just so comforting. It is not the ownership I am talking about. It is the confidence that comes when you trust someone so completely.

I can take care of the household alone for all practical purposes, but that it is 'our' household that I am taking care of, makes it all worthwhile.

A worthy cause...

2008-05-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

I came across an article about the atrocities faced by the women in war-ridden countries - many of them are raped, separated by their family, many become the sole earner in their families as the male members disappear or get killed, many are witness to their own children's death. A Washington based organization Women for Women International is doing something good. It helps women in war-torn countries with aids, job training, education, legal awareness etc.

I am going to get involved in this cause and thought it would be great if many more joined too since it is really something that can directly impact someone's life.

For a donation of $27 a month, sponsors are matched with a woman in a war affected country to correspond regularly by letter. For more information, please check www.womenforwomen.org.

One wish...

2008-05-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think what would I miss/regret the most, if I die today..all of a sudden? And the only thing that comes to my mind is that I would miss not telling all those people whom I met and left behind at some point in time that I loved them.

I am sure I would not be able to tell my family and friends just enough how much I care, but the sad thing is, there are many more out there who I've never told even once that I love them.

I hope the day I say goodbye, I would have the peace of mind for telling everyone that mattered to me that I had been truly blessed to have had them in my life and that some lessons would definitely have remained unlearned, had they not been there. And 'Thank You'.

Jaane kya...

2008-04-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Doondhta hai ye mera dil

just...

2008-04-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am breathing yes, but am I really living it? I guess not 'coz living would mean really really being fully alive every single moment of all the moments I've got. I am not doing that! No way! I am just sleep-walking through it all. Thinking of it..Am not even breathing fully. My breths are shallow and I have done nothing to make it better. May be I will join yoga class this summer. Or may be I will be more regular in meditation. Whatever it is that I do now, I know I am going to be more alert about how I spend my minutes.
I have not yet recovered from not doing my 100% in the last assignment, knowing full well it was the only time I would be doing it in this entire life! How sad IS that?! Scary as it may sound, the only thing keeping me away from my work these day is the fear for failure. The classic problem of postponing things 'coz you are afraid you may not be the best that is possible. The result - you end up not being the 0% of what you could have been had you just started on it:(...forgiving one's own self is the toughest act of kindness!

Time stands still when...

2008-04-05T00:50:00.001-07:00

1. you are on the trademill with a goal of 15 minutes, all dreamy eyed and sweaty and it is only 5 still!
2. staring at our own self in the mirror in total boredom, waiting for the new hair color beneath those silver wrapped strands to dry out, so you can see the new-haired you
3. back from school, waiting for the rice-cooker to go off so you can have the first meal of the day
4. you stand confidently at the podium, ready to deliver that great speech you prepared the whole weekend only to realize you forgot what you were going to speak about
5. you want to call India over the weekend and the calling-card website just won't open
6. professor decides to discuss his married life just before handing back the dreaded test-results
7. reading the result-email from the dream employer
8. standing in that oh-so-long queue on BhulaBhai Desai road for that visa interview all ready to prove you are not a fake document carrying,dying to go to Amerika, potential immigrant...pathetic, yes.
9. he is reading your just-delivered("hand-delivered") letter and you wait patiently to see his face turn crimson/brown/black/green or whatever...
10. your head on his chest, his heart beat next to your ears

Time left too soon when:

1. winter morning, warm shower, and the roommate yells - come out NOW, it's been an hour!
2. you are trying to finish that last question in the test, 15 minutes left, and...time up!!!
3. the perfect date and it's time to say gudnite already...:(
4. the first day of college, new friends, new course, dreams, first time away from home..and today you graduate!
5. dream guy, dream proposal, shopping, wedding humgama...and you are taking the lil monster school at 7...sigh!
6. laying on that OT bed, you smiled at the Doc telling you were not afraid of operations. Nurse declaring ...operation was over 2 hours ago AND you smiled the whole time during the operation!
7. mom telling you to hold your brand new sister gently in your arms....sister telling you to take good care of yourself abroad. She is there for mom.
8. Dad telling you not to waste any more money on movies, eat outs, dresses....Dad wants to know which is the best MF to invest in.
9. you telling mom...It is not the 70s....your daughter telling you...it is not the 2ks

I am...WHAT???:O

2008-03-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic.

You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.

You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.

You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.

Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.

(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)

You excel in: Inspiring people

You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

My Ideal Phoren Match....(Fun quiz):D

2008-03-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

You Should Date A Japanese Guy!

You're an interesting blend of traditional and modern

And a Japanese guy is likely to be on your wavelength

Maybe you'll show your love by dying your hair the same color

Or get married in a traditional white kimono!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

Dead Man Walking...

2008-03-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

These days I am reading Dead Man Walking by Helen Prejean. It is an old publication and the time line is of the early 80s. The book has been depressing so far, to say the least. It gives a vivid account of a man's life on death row. Capital Punishment has always been controversial. That I live in a state famous for its high execution rate is disturbing. To know that it is one of the Death Belt states(Louisiana, Texas, Georgia, Florida) is eerie. The funny thing: this region is also called the Bible Belt. And I used to think religion makes one more empathetic of others' pains.

I am getting to know for the first time the realities of 'the law that protects' - and it IS sad.

Two to tango....

2008-03-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

Like all married couples, we too have our differences and those classic 'arguments' over things big and little. I consider it a good sign. It means we are following the trend very well. Two vessels put together shall make some noise. After all, what is life without some music?!?

If there is a couple that does not fight, I am forced to account it for the one of the following reasons:

1. The two are identical twins(in which case, they should legally not marry in the first place) and hence always agree on every thing.
2. The honeymoon state is still on(May this phase continue forever; but really, who am I kidding:P!)
3. One of the two is too domineering, leaving no space for the other to raise a voice, hence no chance of a disagreement/fight.
4. Both the spouses are leading parallel lives(they should not remain married in this case) walking together but meeting never, each oblivious to another's existence. The state of no bother.
5. One/or both of them is/are cheating and then avoiding confrontations at every cost - like the silence before the storm, Sometimes to the extent of being overly nice - like the last flames of a dying candle
6. The worst: They both have given up on each other.

I personally would choose a good, hearty, action-filled, tear-jerker performance over any of the above mentioned. And So, for all those fighting couples out there I say - Bring it on buddies! There is much spice in life to keep you asking for more, all the way till death do you two apart(as long as you don't kill each other before the D-day:D).

I want...

2008-03-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

This timepiece. Ah Dreams;)!

Random...

2008-03-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel very self-sufficient and independent. There are times when I feel I can conquer the world alone and won't give a hoot if someone thought I were a monster. But then there are also the times when I am soooo needy it breaks all my illusions of being oh-so-fearless and complete. Those are the times when I wish for a patience ear, for a shoulder to just lay my head on, sob a little and unburden my heart and feel light again. I guess that's the part of being human. Those are the times when I question The One about SoAham and the futility of the completeness of self. It all sounds just so void. And I realize I am just another normal being roaming on this planet, like thousands of all those mighty ones who roamed on the same planet once and who, by the stroke of fate, one fine day vanished in a puff...leaving almost no trance of their independent, self-sufficient, complete self. Oh how it hurts to accept the ridiculous falsity of my inflated egotistical self.

It is then that I am humbled by the helping hands that rise whenever I need them. This is the time when I realize that it all starts from the dust and it shall all end in the dust. And we are all just making hay while the sun is shining. That one cloudy morning we all would realize that it would end just so soon. Do I fear such thoughts which some well-learned shrink would easily attribute to 'signs of depression' or some well qualified psychologist attribute to the 'negative thought process'? Surprisingly the answer is No. Such thoughts actually make me feel more real; To accept a fact which I tend to forget - the acceptance of the inevitable and bowing down to the Only Truth of the Hindus philosophy helps me calm down a bit and stop worrying about the n number of mundane things I otherwise would waste my time on. The fact that I am just as important as another little fish in the ocean which can be the yum food for another big fish the next moment makes me aware of the tininess of my pity existance.

I am more thankful for the so-far 'little' blessings in my life. I am thankful for those few friends I have in my life who despite being aware of my flaws accept me just the same. I am thankful for the man in my life who sees my bad,worse, horrible mood swings, deals patiently with my quirks, sits through my tears and rants, and yet tells me I could succeed in anything I put my Brilliant mind to:). I am thankful to have my sister who fights with me at the drop of a hat and then is ready to fight with the rest of the world if they dared say I was not Miss Universe exactly and I am thankful for my mom who thinks anyone who does not consider me the best is out of his mind and I am thankful for all the wonderful people I meet/do not meet everyday who are kind and forgiving of all my idiosyncrasies. I am humbled by the compliments thrown my way, by the kindness shown to me, by the smiles flashed when our eyes meet, and for the phone calls I receive just 'coz someone thought 'It's been a while' - All because I know my own place in this universe.

Freedom is not so hard to find if one seeks; It is confined within the hollow drapes of this body. If only there were enough lights around me to make me aware of its transparency and made me see the naked truth before. But then like they say, the light must come from the dark within...

No change!

2008-03-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Came across this funny(I am sure not so funny for the suffering lot) piece of info. today that had me thinking what all people do to make a few extra coins(literally)!!!

How do I name thee...

2008-03-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

I find it funny sometimes when people ask us(hubby and I) if we are married(when signing a lease, buying something together etc) because we have different last names. The reason why I kept my last name after marriage was simple - my passport had my maiden name on it and I did not want to go through the tedious process of changing my passport again. Also, I never thought I would be changing my name after marriage anyway, since marriage ADDS something to your life, it should not take away your identity from you. And the decision to change or not change my name has to be my own. Right? It does help that A is completely chilled out about staying with a woman who doesn't share his name:D.

There were instances when not having a common last name became weird:

1. Once we booked a room at a hotel in Bombay. My hubby did the booking with both of our names and when I went there to check-in alone(before he arrived), I had to explain the staff what relation I had with the man on paper. I showed them my passport to prove I was indeed my husband's wife.

2. Since I did not change my last name after marriage, some people back home had the doubt that something was 'not right' between us. I should feel proud to accept my husband's surname, no?! Sigh....

3. When I checked Ms. instead of Mrs. on an application, I got some raised eye-brows from my colleagues(male and female) back home. Why was I trying to HIDE my marital status all the time??? It is not easy to explain that my marital status is nobody's concern to be mentioned explicitly on a paper which was more about my caliber than my familial or marital status. I simply did not want people to get more inquisitive about my married life. Specially when a 'Mr.' is all that is needed for a man - married or not.

I don't know much about the laws but I heard that having the same last names makes life easier for a couple when traveling abroad or investing. who knows!

For the time being, I am simply happy keeping the name I was born with.

The not-knowingness of me

2008-02-21T15:11:00.000-08:00

The more you know the more you become aware of how less you know - Grad school is doing this to me and I am sure this is just the beginning. It is exciting and overwhelming to know there is so much more outside of my secured shell life. Until now, I was basking in my ignorant bliss ; Now I am basking in the knowledge of my ignorant bliss?!

I've already read some 15+ published papers and there is a good number in queue. For someone like me who has made more mistakes than right decision, I know for sure - going to Grad school would be one of the rightest ones.

Amen:)!

Unspoken Truth...

2008-02-19T10:08:00.000-08:00

Came across this very interesting article and I think there is some truth in what the author has to say. We sometimes lie because we may not like our own choices.

No matter how much of a pro-feminist I consider myself, it is a sad truth that I sometimes admire a home-maker more than a tough female professional. Blame it on the upbringing, I kinda 'expect' a woman to be woman-like(Soft-spoken, delicate, caring --- add other stereotypical adjectives here) and when I see someone who does not quite match my preconceived image of a 'perfect woman', I tend to form a more negative image than I would have if I really were more open minded.

My perception arises from my belief that women make better care-takers/home-makers and they are naturally more intuitive to others' pains than their male counterparts of the same experience and age are. Though I don't resent women in power. I resent their trying to act manly in men's roles when they can be their own self and be as effective. (I am not sure it would work in politics or the corporate world, but then I already know that I am a little biased).

I simply hope I am more in sync with my choices now than I was in the past. Self-doubt is a terrible thing.

Love is in the air...

2008-02-18T21:33:00.000-08:00

Saw Jodha-Akbar this weekend. And loved it:)! I am such a sucker for romance - and if it is the Regal kind - all the better!

The things I specially liked about the movie:

1. Costumes - I am gonna buy a NAICE rajasthani ghagra soon. Let A. faint thinking of the price - It is all fair in love and war:P!

2. Music - 'Khwaja mere Khwaja' pulled me into a trance. And I wished I could Join Akbar in his slow dance.Beautiful:)! The folk songs made me think of the ones I grew up listening at my Grand-mother's - on every festival or wedding, we had local women sing those same melodious songs at the fields or at home. It was a sweet reminder of what all still exists on the other side of the planet. Something I was lucky enough to witness while growing up.

3. Roots - Each reference of 'Malwa' in the movie made me home-sick. We never get to hear of it anywhere - it is such a quiet and non-happening place. and it is oh-so-wonderful! The people, the culture(I worry it is changing too fast), the local dialects, the hot summers and the most romantic rains - we have it all there.

4. Food - I can't help but think of Dal-Bafle-Churma whenever I am forced to enter a Subway sandwich place for the blandest food ever:(. I wish I could make all this in my own American kitchen someday. Somehow I feel the kitchen here are way too small for Indian cooking. And I definitely don't like tweaking my recipe to suit my kitchen!

5. Language/Dialect/accent - I love Urdu and Rajasthani. And they, including Aishwarya:O, did a good job of not exaggerating/distorting anything. I kept telling A. about how my Bua(my dad's siter) still calls my dad- BhaiSahab, or how my mom talks with the locals in the local dialect(and I can not:( ) etc, much to his pain I am sure.

6. History - The movie reminded me of where we are coming from, who we really are and what we would loose out on if we forget ourselves.

7. Harmony - the fact that harmony and peace among different religions was stressed and followed hundreds of years ago, made me aware of the high intellect and understanding that those men had in an era without TV, Cellphones, Internet - Almost Null connectivity. Amazing!

8. HRIITIKK - Does it even need a mention?! I swooned all through the movie n almost fell off the seat on the solo sword practice!!! Jodha bai(Hira Kunwari or Mirium-uz-zamani, whoever) must have had a heart of unrefined gold(IFF Akbar was half as much of a looker as Hritik is!:P)

All in all, a movie I can happily go and watch again.

Tough job...

2008-02-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

You know the toughest thing to do: Saying a flat 'No.'

I have run into trouble so many times for not saying No when I soo should have, just 'coz I did not want to hurt someone's feelings. Little did I know that people KNOW that one has this problem with saying no and that willy-nilly one would say yes. This weakness can be exploited so well it is terrifying specially when one is no more sitting in the safe confines of the home.

These days I am training myself to be comfortable with not being a yes-woman at all times and putting my foot down for the things that matter. And to my surprise and relief, after an initial grunt from the receiver, there is a very visible respect for speaking my mind out loud.

I wish I had learned it long ego, but then like they say, it's never too late.

The Mad Mahout

2008-02-15T12:03:00.001-08:00

Though it is common knowledge that Indian politics has become a safe heaven for those with criminal records and little education, I was shocked to learn of the statistics.

I sometimes wonder if Indian political system is really a democracy. We never have an open debate with the possible rulers(yes, I consider everyone in that Sansad Bhavan a ruler), we hardly get to know the credentials or the capabilities of the candidates and we never get a chance to learn what their priorities would be once they are elected for the office, like they have in the US of A. I don't understand why should we not seek any personal commitment from the candidates and vote for the party alone? I know that a person(or even a single party)does not hold such powers in the Indian context to be Solely held accountable for major decisions when coalition governments have become the norm but then, is that not our right to know who would be heading our government and representing 'us' for the next five years(or less) to the rest of the world???

Agreed. No system, including that of the oldest democracy, is perfect (what with the money playing such an important role in winning the most coveted 'Presidential' title in this country), I am still impressed that people in USA get to question the presidential candidates one on one before they become larger than life. At least they would know Obama's or Clinton's full name before he/she becomes The President(unlike us who heard for the first time of Mrs. Pratibha Patil only after she was gifted to us as the New President of the great Indian democracy).

Now I am not the one to dampen someone's enthusiasm or optimism of 'India Shining' or 'India - the next superpower', but is it not a matter of concern if the plausible next superpower let's it's worst-lot have all the power ???

To me, an old, wise sluggish elephant is much safer than a powerful one with a useless Mahout!

Disclaimer: Views in this post are that of a concerned citizen, not of a selfish NRI out to Hail the US of A and backstab her motherland!

Now...

2008-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

It is both frightening and exciting to be alive in today's world. There is so much to absorb and understand that there seem to be a severe shortage of time. Things I plan on leaning more about in the following weeks:

1. Economy - Davos Conference, Middle east involvement in the world economy, Indo-China competition and their strengths and weaknesses, Oil factor in economy. One thing I want to leave out from the list is the weakening of Dollar and the US economy, for the obvious reason that is has become a part of yesterday's newspaper now.

2. Keep an eye on the elections results(and try not to try to understand the issues - it's all politics in the end).

3. Trends in Indian retail/manufacturing sector. I am particularly impressed by the newly opened motor industry facilities in Pune.

4. Bollywood gossip, to keep me stupidly sane:)

That the killing of 3 Indian students in the past 2 months in US universities( 2 PhD students murdered in December at Louisiana State University and 1 PhD student murdered at Duke University) found no place in the major American news sites(Msnbc.com, cnn.com) and no updates were ever found later too on the investigations made me sad. A life is a life - whether it was an Indian student's or an American's should not have mattered.
It made me think of how the Indian media gives additional coverage to any incident that happens to any foreign tourist/student on Indian soil. Are we really more concerned about "Atithi devo bhav" or is it all media/business in the end?

Of the Blood and the Bonds...

2008-01-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

When does a close relationship become too close for comfort? When shall we, who are raised to value relationships for the person involved and not for the gain out of it, stop to think and see if we are valued as a person in the relationship or not? Why is it always easier to maintain a friendship than a relationship based on blood and lineage? That we choose our friends but not our relatives - does hold true?

I believe there are many reasons why blood relations are hard to maintain:

1. When we start taking someone for granted, be it our spouse, kids, siblings, parents, kins, uncles etc, it becomes easier for us to ignore them as another individual. We presume that they are going to be around since they are our so-and-so. Not true! There comes a time when each one of us wants to be valued for who we are rather than how we are related to someone. Alas! it is sometimes too late to mend a hurt ego/pride.

2. When we try to maintain a relationship in the hope that it may yield something in the future, we are making the grave mistake of bringing business into a non-business field. When we bring our petty selfish motives into a relationship, the sentimental value is gone. It is much harder to carry on with a relation knowing that there are just words and no emotions. And the facade of "kinship" is too hard to maintain for too long.

3. When we take our privilege as our right. How someone responds to us in a given circumstance is a function of many things - his/her current situation and limitations, his/her state of mind, his/her past experiences, our own history and presumptions + some more. If we do not get what we expect(in a purely materialistic sense), it is wiser to not take things personally. We may not get what is rightfully not ours. It is so common in us Indians to demand something simply because it is someone else's duty to do things for us(After all, she is my sister/uncle/cousin/aunt/great-granddaughter/son-in-law!). Why oh Why do we expect soo much???

4. There are always boundaries. There is always a line, however fine, in between the acceptable and the unacceptable behavior. Not everything is 'Chalta hai'. When we forget that there is only so far we can push our limits, things are bound for disasters.

5. When transparency is gone. Nothing can hurt a relationship more than the simple sins like lies, backbiting, gossiping, dishonesty. This is sometimes - the last straw - because this makes one want to re-evaluate the need of an association which is not based on truth.

6. Simply because - We choose our friends but not our relatives! Being related by blood does not guarantee "compatibility". When we have a value system so entirely different from a relative, it becomes really difficult to maintain the relationship since there are no common grounds to sustain anything strong. The best thing one can do minimize the conflict is to maximize the distance. Such relationships are bound to fail and if tried too hard to preserve, may even leave blood stains that are hard to remove. Very very sad when that happens, but then somethings are simply not meant to last.

Guess...that's all there is of the blood and the bonds. Sigh!

As time goes by...

2008-01-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

It is interesting to observe one's own self as an outsider as time goes by. It is like a microcosm of all the good and evil one can hope to see in this wide wide world. And then there are changes.

Like a few months ago, I was overwhelmed with the pain of being away from my better half for more than two years, then there was joy: just being with him made me feel blessed. Then came the boredom of it all: the same usual routine and expressions of love. I wanted even more out of life: the desire to find who I was and what I wanted to be in times to come. Dilemma was the only recognizable feeling for days. And finally, I am at peace. I am doing what I want to do and I have the freedom to do it the way I want.

This leads me to believe the only thing we crave for is the complete freedom of mind, spirit and action. We crave to have control over things that matter to us. What we call 'success' is nothing but the fulfillment of this inner desire to have what we want.

Since the definition of success is so internal, no wonder many people whom others consider successful are not always happy in life. Because may be, in their efforts to be successful to the masses, they never had the time to find out what their own definition of success was.

It is a high price some people pay to be successful in others' eyes.

X-Mas 2007...

2008-01-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

I love christmas for many reasons. The top one: I LOVE decorating the tree. This was the result of some fun efforts at home in 2007.

Green no more...

2008-01-09T13:33:00.000-08:00

Read this interesting piece of news and couldn't help but smile at the volatility of Maya!

The new year...

2008-01-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I wrote anything. Real life gave me no time for the virtual one. There was Christmas, Christmas vacation, then the new years' festivities and finally I am back to school starting this Spring. The past few days had been full of dilemma and decisions and I guess it is time I start multi-tasking again. The best part about going back to school is: I am shifting from my safe zone to an entirely new field - something I have always thought fascinating but never did. The downside: being away from home after working so hard in making it a 'home' is tearing me apart. I hope I survive these first few weeks.

I have not made any resolutions for the new year. There seems no need. Something that Lennon said got stuck in my head("Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans") and I decided to ditch the idea of planning anything for this year.

So that's all that has been on my mind lately. A belated Happy new year to All! Stay warm and comfy this winter!!!:D

Right now...

2007-12-19T22:59:00.001-08:00

I am busy decorating my Christmas tree - Learning to make paper snowflakes, thinking of new ways to decorate my tree EVEN MORE; thinking of a good menu for the Christmas eve(I have that tini-mini inkling that the Christmas eve dinner would be out somewhere nice:P), and in general having a good time preparing for more good times ahead! Amen to all the wishful thinking and the happy thoughts!

Chocolat - The movie

2007-12-08T22:17:00.000-08:00

"Do I want to speak of the miracle of our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about his divinity. I'd rather talk about his humanity. I mean, you know, how he lived his life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, his *tolerance*... Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create... and who we include"

----A quote from the movie "Chocolat" which happens to be the most satisfactory definition of 'goodness' I've read so far. And the reason why this movie is one of the best I've seen.

Science and Sanity...

2007-11-26T23:17:00.001-08:00

I asked my husband to help me out in weekend cleaning. After hours of sulking, pondering over the thought of cleaning and eventually trying his hands at it, when I saw the result I was not impressed. It was just the same as I had left it with some things stuck/hidden in the closet/behind the doors etc. And the explanation I got:
Home cleaning is like charging a capacitor. It would take infinite time to complete. So...

I was really not sure how I felt at the moment:(.

Of words and meanings...

2007-11-21T23:50:00.000-08:00

Possessing is not the same as owning. One may possess something but unless one acknowledges one's claim, the thing is not really owned.

I realized it today. Oh how I wish possessing equaled owning!

OSO or SOS?!

2007-11-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

Watched Om Shanti Om(OSO) this weekend. we managed to get 2 tickets for the 10'o clock show in our second visit to the theater(The last weekend trip was a waste since everything was sold-out. Even 'No Smoking' was going house-full). To make things better it was pouring so we spent the waiting time in the car listening to old Silsila songs. Naa-ice!

now about the movie - If one wants to know what makes a Bollywood movie sell - this one is the answer. Nothing original about it! but it has ALL that it takes to make it a commercial success. Work of pure genius at stealing dialogue, costumes, actors(doubles) of yesteryear's, song sequences, story - a winning caricature of all that was good and evil.

I was stumped at how stealing stylishly has become an art and hubby dear was laughing his heart out at the originality of this masala-mix. He seemed genuinely happy(and inspired at Shahrukh's 6-packs) for seeing a good movie after a long time and in the end, I joined him in his admiration for a no-brainer, jhatka-matka, fully-filmy dialogue filled hindi movie.

The only thing I had on my mind at the end of the movie - Rekha is the ultimate diva, Tabu will ALWAYS look classy and Chintu Kapoor is a rock star!!!

Des vs Dreams...

2007-11-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am appalled by the statements old friends living in India throw casually at 'us'(those not in India) - something suggesting the only reason we are not living where we were born is because of the big bucks/better standard of living we seem to make abroad. Some others also say that people like us are ready to compromise our self-respect and are willing to work for them foreigners for this flashy life-style/bigger homes/cars etc. Some say we don't care enough for our parents to leave them at their ripe age for our own selfish reasons, NRIs leave their culture behind etc. And surprising, the same sentiments are reflected in many Indian newspapers/media/movies.

I usually don't find any need to justify my decisions in life. This one is different though. It not only targets a whole big group of people, it seems like an attack on a very conscientious and much patriotic Indians/NRI/People of Indian origin.

The reasons for leaving home can be as varied as:

1. The very innate desire to explore the world. This could very well include a land where the life is just 'Different', not necessarily better or bigger.

2. The challenge to prove oneself in an environment totally unfamiliar - the desire to challenge oneself and to stretch oneself to the maximum could be a high hard to resist. Leaving the comfort zone can be highly motivating.

3. Career - When one is a professional, s/he won't mind moving to any place - be it Chennai or Chicago for career growth. Don't people in India leave their home-towns to move to Bangalore/Delhi/Bombay for better opportunities? [Most of the people I know belong to this category].

4. When someone feels they are valued/appreciated more for their talent in a far away land. In a society like ours, Doctors/Engineers/Businessmen are valued/respected more. For someone who has an inclination different from these may get recognized more somewhere else.

5. Social/family reasons - Some people I've met chose to live away from their own society because they having married inter-caste/inter-religion were not welcome in their own society. Broken societal/parental ties made the move abroad easier and justifiable. Acceptance sometimes becomes a deciding factor. Also, some people find a more 'even' society(a no-caste society) alluring.

6. Love/life-mate - Love knows no boundaries. Need I say more about this one:)???

Now why these allegations are not entirely correct:

1. Working for the foreigners? - who are we fooling really? Thousands of those working in my motherland work for MNCs. In this global economy(unless one is working for the Government) how would you differentiate who is working for whom?

2. Better living standards is the lure? - it is the part of the package. If you work in ANY country, you end up adapting the same lifestyle/standard of living as others. My sister-in-law lives in Iran. She sometimes covers herself up to go out since it is the norm there. Does she like it? No. Does she complain about it? No. She made a choice. It is the part of the deal. Why focus on the bouquets? We get the brickbats too for living abroad just like someone living in India would enjoy the freedom of citizenship but has to deal with redtapism sometimes. I find this as the RESULT of , but not the REASON for moving abroad.

3. As far as being driven by the flashy life-style etc is concerned, I can only smile at how far away this presumption is from the truth. I personally lead a simpler life bing away from home and have known hundreds in India whose life is extravagant and flashy in every way possible. Someone's way of life is simply an extension of who they are(irrespective of where they live) and s/he can have more or less the same life anywhere in the world.

7. Big bucks - Ok. I agree that the Dollar/Pound/Euro vs Indian Rupee does give one an advantage when one goes back to India and try to spend that income in rupee. But seriously, how often does that happen? Once a year? People living and earning abroad earn AND spend in the local currency. It really evens out that way.

8. Being less 'cultured'? After living in the US for a few years when I went back home, I got a real cultural shock for this was not the India I remembered. The number of discs, pubs that I saw, the conversations that I had with colleagues, the 'in' crowd that I met, the new lingo, dressing styles, values, lifestyles etc I saw made me feel I seriously was out-dated! We are more westernized in India that we are abroad. Yes, we still consider pre-marital sex/extra marital affairs/casual dating a taboo in small-town India, but does 'The soul of India resides in her villages' hold true any more?

9. Forgetting our country/parents? - THAT I bet is REALLY hard to do!!! Moving on is not the same as forgetting. Indian Diaspora should be given some credit for the safe foreign currency reserve that India can boast of today. There are people here who spend half of their time working for NGOs, many who are working for the welfare of the street children and many more who raise their voice for environmental issues in India(living thousands of miles away from home). Speaking of the percentage, this is much higher than how many living in India are involved in such causes. We worry/care for our parents and miss them even more than some of those living closer to their parents do. We make sure that we can be with them in their times of need and can make their lives as comfortable and happy as we can for them.

I used to worry that if I chose to live in a foreign country I won't be able to impart the same values in my (future) kids. It would be a challenge I agree, but it IS possible, since I have met some kids who were born and brought up here but are as Indian as one can be. So it all comes down to this - if you choose to live or work anywhere in this world and decide to keep a clear perspective about how important it is to remember where we started, and keep our roots intact, it really does not matter where you grow and branch out.

PS: When I was little we had a poster at home which read...."Like a tree, we each must find a place to grow and branch out". I understand it now.

Happy Diwali....

2007-11-08T11:28:00.001-08:00

Diwali means

1. Diye
2. Mehendi
3. Rangoli
4. Mithai
5. Phatakhe
6. Safai/getting rid of kabad(useless baggage)
7. Asian Distemper kee smell
8. Nay Kapde
9. Nai jewelry
10. lighting
11. good wishes
12. prasad exchange with padosies and friends( a great chance to see who made what:P, and how good/bad a cook they are)
13. Aarti
14. Chhutti
15. laxmi-ganesh-saraswatiji

Aaah...Good things in life never change:D! Happy Diwali and a beautiful new year to all!!!

PS: I guess I should have started with point # 15...hmmm

Love in the time of Cholera...

2007-10-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

Stories like this make my heart bleed. A young man dies a mysterious death in Kolkatta within a month of marrying his beloved.
Should it really matter that he was a Muslim and the girl a Hindu?
that he was a computer teacher in a private multimedia institute, and that she the daughter of a big industrialist? that they lived in a city where words like Muslim, Bong, Marwaris hold more meaning than love, marriage and dreams?

What should have mattered was that they were in love enough to commit to each other despite the differences, that the girl in question had happily given the luxuries to live with her husband in his humble surroundings and that the guy had decided to try and build their lives together on his own without asking for anything except his love from his in-laws and most importantly, THEY wanted to live their lives together. It should have been their decision, their dreams, and their lives ever after.

There is not going to be a story anymore because the guy is dead having had an accident on railway tracks within 1 month of the marriage and the girl had been taken to her parents' after much pressure from the relatives and the police.

oh Brother...

2007-10-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

A 4th grader asked me the meaning of 'half-brother' yesterday. Curious to know what his guess might be, I asked him to give it a try himself. His answer-"A 36-37 year old brother....hmmm...a brother who's lived half his life".

And I kept thinking 37 certainly must seem like half a life for a 10 year old!

Siddhuism sharnam gachchhaami...

2007-10-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados. "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.
6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.
30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

My favorite one: #27....hehehehe!

A very favorite surd friend of mine has this philosophy of life: Got problems, take a fuckitall( as oppposed to tylenol)...Pardon my french but this one does work!!!

and you wonder why we LOVE Sardarjis?!

And life happens....

2007-10-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

So I have taken my life and myself VERY seriously so far. not any more. This is the most recent resolution. This is 'coz

1. I have been recently diagnosed with a hormonal imbalance, just a lil off..so nothing to worry about but being on medication made me realize that I should value what I have, more than what I don't, like for example, not being on any medication was definitely better than being on one.

2. I realized how little changes that we bring into our lives can change the way we feel and are. I have been a regular at the gym for the past one month - it's a fitness regime i have enrolled myself into and Boy! Have I changed!!!
I've caught me take a double take at myself often these days:P...no seriously. And I feel zuper good too:)

3. I clean the mess at home everyday before going to bed. When I am up in the morning, it's like I am seeing my home for the first time - so neat and nice and it smells different too:D!

4. I have volunteered to teach preschoolers now and it is a whole new(sometimes sweetly chaotic) world out there. Does me a lot of good to see innocence spread out all around me:).

5. I have been cooking a lot lately. I have found cooking to have some therapeutic effects on me. The different colors of spices, veggies, different aromas and the whole process of inventing my own recipes is quite exciting. It's like my own niche where I can go and do stuff undisturbed and as I please, without having to worry about anything at all(except the fire alarm going off, since most of the cooking I do releases a lot of smoke. I usually take the batteries off - a trick I learn in my undergrad years - before I cook anything Indian).

6. I call my friends often. To know that the people I know and care about are all happy or trying to be happy is comforting. It also helps to know that just talking with someone brings about a +ve change in their lives(as I've been told ....hehehehe!!!)

7. I am looking forward to life in general. Those I loved and have left behind are still there in my heart, but I've decided to not let that make my heart heavy. Instead I have been treating that heart-weight like the money in my pocket. It now brings a sense of security and happiness instead of sadness now!

8. I am growing in love and it's so much better than falling in love. It's a heady feeling combined with a sense of comfort and security, and steady happiness:D!

9. I have subscribed to my favorite magazine for a year.

10. I met some wonderful people at my Salsa dance class and some at the gym - wonderful ladies in their 50-70s who are sweating it out and aiming higher at this young age - very inspiring and just amazing.

So that's what has been happening in my life lately. Should I feel guilty for being happy, since I know the story on the other side of the world? I am trying my best to forget about the 'real' things in life for once and get a little positivity right now. God knows we all need our little illusions in life to keep going! Don't we?

PS: 11. And on Public demand, I've started blogging regularly:P...hehehe

Oh God!!!

2007-09-29T00:58:00.000-07:00

After remaining a considerably God Fearing person for most of my life(not so many years anyway), I came across Apatheism (yup. on another blog), and am considering a conversion for the time being.

It sounds really cool to not care if there may/may not be someone watching over you. If someone does, fine. if no one does, even better. Looking around myself where people have more time and energy to contemplate if their God is bigger, better, kinder, more virtuous than another's, I think it would be simply better to not give a damn about this whole thing of a Super power up above.

A change of heart (specially of this magnitude) should not be temporary for one's own sanity and peace, but what the heck! am so ready to give it a try for a few days at least!

Amen to that;)

Use ek khoobsurat mod de kar chhodna achha...

2007-09-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

CHALO EK BAAR PHIR SE AJNABI BAN JAYEIN HUM DONO

NA MAIN TUM SE KOI UMEED RAKHOON DIL NAVAZI KI
NA TUM MERI TARAF DEKHO GHALAT ANDAZ NAZRON SE
NA MERE DIL KI DHADKAN LADKHADAYE MERI BAATON MEIN
NA ZAAHIR HON TUMHARI KASHMAKASH KE RAZ NAZRON SE

TAARUF ROG BAN JAYE TO US KO BHOOLNA BEHTAR
TALLUQ BOJH BAN JAYE TO US KO TODNA ACCHA
WOH AFSANA JISE TAKMEEL TAK LANA NA HO MUMKIN
USE EK KHOOBSURAT MOD DE KAR CHODNA ACCHA

TUMHAIN BHI KOI ULJHAN ROKTI HAI PEISHKADMI SE
MUJHE BHI LOG KEHTE HAIN KE YEH JALWE PARAYE HAIN
MERE HUMRAAH BHI RUSWAIYAN HAIN MERE MAAZI KI
TUMHARE SAATH BHI GUZRI HUI RAATON KE SAAYE HAIN

CHALO EK BAAR PHIR SE AJNABI BAN JAYEIN HUM DONO

Something reminded me of this song today. My favorite lines have always been..."Taaruf rog ban jaye,...Use ek khoobsurat mod de kar chodna accha"

IS it really ever possible to burn the bridges of your past? Do we ever forget anything at all? Or is it a choice we make to pretend to others that we are too cool and bold to hold on to the dead remains of the past? Koi apna-sa shaqks kahin kabhi ajnabi hua hai?

I guess I know my answers. Penning them down simply helps in 'moving on'(?!).