Present-Future

Sitting at my work desk at 2:00 in the morning, I wonder how would things be when I won't be doing this - writing the last pages of my thesis. I've been waiting for this day for a some time now but when the day is near, I am afraid I won't know what to do with my time once this is over.

The thing about growing old is that one becomes more apprehensive than exited about the future. One looks at the decisions, not the dreams of tomorrow. Completion of a task no longer means carefree days ahead. I guess I am nervous about my inpending India trip too. 3 years is a long time. I hope ma-papa look the same now as they did when I last saw them.

Dasvidania

We saw Dasvidania yesterday. I am making my To Do List now:).

Fortitude or Fate?

I always believed that a man can achieve whatever he wants with hard work and perseverance. These days, I am having second thoughts. One can't really undermine the importance of working hard and being persistent in following a dream but it is becoming clearer to me by the day that part of one's destiny is formed the day one is born, or may be even before that. And there is absolutely nothing one can do about it. So very sad but somehow so true:(. How?

To start with - a child born in a family that finds it hard to make both ends meet has a substantially lower chance of survival in the first few years of his life. If that hurdle of survival is overcome, there is a high probability of him suffering from ailments which could easily be avoided if proper hygiene is maintained and enough nutrition is available. With childhood, comes the opportunity( or the lack of) getting a good education. Imagine what is it like to have never had a chance to learn A B C in a world where graduates have to stand in line before finally landing a job.

And I am not even talking about the more serious issues of high self esteem, respect for another human being, openness of mind- which need to be sown in a mind at a very young stage or the various prejudices/complexes one can develop during the early formative years of life, in the absence of a right environment.

So I may be a pessimist here, but honestly I can't really imagine how much courage I would have had to pursue an education, to dream of being a professional independent woman, to travel around the world or to think of marrying a man of my choice if I had had to fight to be alive before I was born 'coz I had misfortune of carrying the XX set of chromosomes.

I see many of my friends getting ready for a baby; I can see the joy in their dreamy eyes; I can almost feel the sense of responsibility they feel towards their unborn children and a part of me thanks God for His mercies on these babies who are blessed to become a part of such lovely families, and a part of me shivers every time I see a pregnant teenager at Walmart or a small child begging on an Indian railway station, thinking of a life that could have been but won't be 'so' blessed. The Irony - The destiny begins before the life itself!

Relativity

'It's all relative', she says, like a grown-up woman. I understand. Till yesterday, it was all about - her new shoes, her weight, mani-pedi, her coursework that's taking forever etc etc. Today it's all about the tiny one forming inside of her. And nothing matters any more. She IS a woman today.

Short Circuit

So Circuit City too is closing down. It was kinda sad to see the huge crowds for the closing down bargains. Had they been here before, the stores won't be closing today. Or may be, if they had had the sales like this before, they won't be closing down today?!?!

First post of 2009

Lots has happened in the last month of 2008:

1. I finished my course work with a great GPA. Thesis remains and that's a BIG challenge:(.

2. I missed on putting up my Christmas tree this year. Thanks to exams and the travel!

3. We took a trip to California. Loved Santa Barbara and Napa Valley the most.

4. Met many new people - hubbys got friends almost everywhere and (finally) they are all getting married. I got a chance to meet their new wives and make a few new friends:) - always nice!

5. We stayed with old family friends who are in the USA for eons and got a close look at what it would be like to stay on in this country. Many deep, long, interesting conversations ensued late into the nights and it was a very interesting experience. I am glad we chose to stay with them instead of a Hotel.

6. We got to meet a friend's new born son recently. He had a tough first few days in the hospital after the birth and it made me realize again how a new life is nothing short of a miracle. I did not dare lift the baby - babies are so tiny and fragile it freaks me out- but I touched his soft hair and was quite glad he found me interesting enough to keep looking at me:) the whole time.(I got to do some baby shopping for him too!)

7. We saw some great movies this winter break.

I am sure there is a lot more we did, but I am suffering from temporary memory lapse so would end here.

It's a little late to say this, but if I haven't wished you already - Here's wishing ya a Happy 2009!:)

Proud to be an Indian...

We need more news like this to deal with the pain of terrorism. Like I always maintained - Terrorism is NOT religious!

Kya kahen...

I don't know if I should be surprised or pleased that terrorism in India still makes news anywhere and the fact that US channels actually decided that non-Americans being killed anywhere can also be an act of terror?

I am not able to think beyond the grief of the people of Mumbai who are used again and again and again by politicians like Raj Thakre or terrorists to catch the attention of our useless government. Why do we keep sleeping till the time it becomes impossible to sleep in peace?
Why do we keep fighting over our religions/social divides until someone from across the border makes us aware that for the world outside we ARE one and would die together as 'Indians' - not as mumbaiakars, north, east or south Indians; Or as a rich or a poor Indian.

I am sad at my own helplessness to make the outside world understand what plagues my country; Do I even understand completely what plagues my country? Maybe. Maybe not.
As a layman, I only know that it hurts when people get killed from bullets coming out of a police cab, that it hurts when the financial capital of my country and one of the most peaceful cities in the world flashes on my TV screen in the US as a place of terror and mayhem, that it hurts to think of the many friends who are sitting on an active volcano, that tomorrow it could be my own small Indian town that becomes the target, that the policeman who got killed yesterday fighting against those heartless, brainwashed beasts could as well have been my own father, that the woman running for cover on VT station could have been my own mother or sister, that every single one who died yesterday was a family man/woman and many lives would never be the same again.

When would an Indian life mean anything to the world? How many more need to die to tell our government that neighbors don't always make good friends? How many more Indians need die before we are able to name a bloody neighbor a terrorist state or get the rich ones to STOP gifting the guns to the terrorists to kill our people? When would politicians stop being so bloody selfish for votes and do nothing and stop supporting groups like SIMI so innocents don't get killed?

Oh but let's not break out hearts over it now. Thank god we are in the US. Let's get ready for the thanksgiving party tonight. 'coz India mein to aisa hota rahta hai....

Parents and In-Laws

Do I ever want my parents in their old age to live with us? If need be, certainly. But I would rather they live near by so that I can visit them regularly/every other day, take care of them and can also give them enough space to grow old without ever feeling that they are indeed getting old.

Do I ever want my in-laws to live with us when they are old? I guess my answer remains the same as above.

I would never be comfortable moving into my parents home with my husband to take care of them. Why? Because Husband and I have a very different lifestyle than them. I am sure it would be the same with my in-laws too. And guess what? I don't think they would be much happier with this arrangement either. Why? The same reason. They have lead their lives in a very different manner - surrounded by their group of friends and family of their own generation.

What do you think on this? Would you like your parents/in-laws to move in with you? Do you think they might need their own space?

I am sometimes afraid I am becoming too western in my ideas:(

When reliality becomes dreams...

When did i stop dreaming? Not that I don't dream any more. It is just that my dreams are so close to reality that it is a shame to call them a dream. A dream should be something that you see in your sleep; a thought, a wish that does not leave you when you are no longer logically thinking - most of the dreams I have today are so logical, so very thought out and planned - they don't have THE MAGIC element to them. Like certain things that can happen only by magic - that would be something I would call a REAL DREAM. But we all, or should I say, most of us stop dreaming those crazy, out of the world, almost-improbable things too early in our lives. I no longer dream of being a Kiran Bedi, or an Army Woman, or Being a Doctor, or being the richest person in the world, or marring an English man(ok, So THIS 1 I must give up w/o regrets;). Why? Simply because that is too far away from my current reality. But then - aren't dreams 'supposed to be' away from reality? So really - dreams are, by definition the same - what has changed is my own strength to dream. If I dream of owning a cool car someday - well that is something I KNOW I can get, if I dream of a home in my most desired place - I am sure I can do it too, if I dream of having a 'dream' job - it is a REALITY...just a little further in the future. These are NOT dreams!!! They are simply wishes and ARE definitely achievable. What would it take to set me free of my own limitations of imagining things I find unrealistic? Why am I not able to put my logical brain to rest for a little while and think of something that makes no sense at all? Why would I not do the things I did when I was 21 like hopping in a plane to visit someone for 10 minutes and taking the next one back? Why do I think of it as crazy now? 'coz I saw what it costs, or is it coz I have become too result-oriented? Why should we ever grow up or grow wise? Why are we always stuck in our local-optima? What would it take to break the routine and think of the wilder things for a change and to explore the depths and breadths of what our brilliance is capable of? Why are we so eager to tie ourselves up in more threads - only to lose the freedom that we are born with, that let's us be a kid - a kid with the wildest ideas, with unbounded curiosity, with no fears - of failure or the world or the future????

I wish to have the strength someday to REALLY Dream...'coz as long as I wish for the little achievable things in my life - I haven't really explored the power of the REAL ones. And then, I am bound to mistake my little wishes for my dreams. It won't take me too far!would it?